Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
-    Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
-    Abraham Lincoln

None of our men are ‘experts.’ We have most unfortunately found it necessary to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert because no one ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the ‘expert’ state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
-    Henry Ford
The more I see, the more I know, the more I know, the less I understand

- Paul Weller
Don’t be so humble - you are not that great.
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
His ignorance is encyclopaedic
- Abba Eban (1915-)
If a man does his best, what else is there?
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
- Saint Augustine (354-430)
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
This book fills a much-needed gap.
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of  happiness  by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
- e e cummings (1894-1962)
Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.
- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
Assassins!
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
I’ll moider da bum.
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
- Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes (1596-1650),  Discours de la Methode
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’.
- Yoda (’The Empire Strikes Back’)
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns (1896-1996)
I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
- Edsgar Dijkstra
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
- Bjarne Stroustrup
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- Paul Erdos
The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
If you can’t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you’d best teach it to dance.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
But at my back I always hear Time’s winged chariot hurrying near.
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog calfed ‘Ego’.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
I think ‘Hail to the Chief’ has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)
The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was ‘involved’ - the pig was ‘committed’.
- unknown
If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
- Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)
Facts are the enemy of truth.
- Don Quixote -  Man of La Mancha
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
- Anais Nin (1903-1977)
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
- Frederick (II) the Great
Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot (1819-1880)
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
- Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright
I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
- Vince Lombardi
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
- James Branch Cabell
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
- John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
- G. K. Chesterfield
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
- Umberto Eco
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
- Jimmy Durante
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor)
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
- Antoine de Saint Exupery
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one’s doubts.
- G. B. Burgin
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in  Goldfinger  by Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
- - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
- Jimi Hendrix
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe (1749-1832)
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.
- Richard Bach
A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
- Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.)
It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure — that is all that agnosticism means.
- Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
- Warren Zevon
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
- Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
While we are postponing, life speeds by.
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD)
Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches.
- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
Luck is the residue of design.
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
Wit is educated insolence.
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
- Gore Vidal
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
- Samuel Palmer (1805-80)
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
- Guy Davenport
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
- Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite.
- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
I would have made a good Pope.
- Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
- John von Neumann (1903-1957)
The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game’s opening position
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.
- Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
- C. A. R. Hoare
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
What do you take me for, an idiot?
General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst
Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959 )
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
Logic is in the eye of the logician.
- Gloria Steinem
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I’ll waste no time reading it.
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
- Goethe (1749-1832)

In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.
- Lucille S. Harper

You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
- Mae West (1892-1980)

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
- Gail Godwin

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.
- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
- General George Patton (1885-1945)
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
- Katherine Cebrian
I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.
- Steven Wright
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
I have read your book and much like it.
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.
- Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
- Mae West (1892-1980)
I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to.
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
No Sane man will dance.
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Hell is other people.
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world’s first nuclear explosion)
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- Thomas Jones
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
The gods too are fond of a joke.
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
- Gloria Leonard
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Plato was a bore.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Hemingway was a jerk.
- Harold Robbins
How can I lose to such an idiot?
- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
- Woody Allen (1935-)
I don’t feel good.
- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure.
- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
- Gore Vidal
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
- Woody Allen (1935-)
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
- Abba Eban (1915-)
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
- Charles William Stubbs
Sanity is a madness put to good uses.
- George Santayana (1863-1952)
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.
- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
Why don’t you write books people can read?
- Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
- Tom Stoppard
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
- Karl Wallenda
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
- Sun Tzu
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
- Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Alan Kay
Never mistake motion for action.
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Hell is paved with good samaritans.
- William M. Holden
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
- Ernesto Che Guevara (1928-1967)
Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
The average person thinks he isn’t.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
- Perelman
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
- Sigfried Hulzer
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
I think it would be a good idea.
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
- Irving Kristol
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
640K ought to be enough for anybody.
- Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927
We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
- Tom Clancy
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527),  The Prince
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
- Yogi Berra
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
- Bill Wulf
There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
- Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
Love is friendship set on fire.
- Jeremy Taylor
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
- Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was
Woman was God’s second mistake.
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
This isn’t right, this isn’t even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist’s paper
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Pray, n:. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
He would make a lovely corpse.
- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.
- Irvin S. Cobb
I worship the quicksand he walks in.
- Art Buchwald
Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
- Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing
#3 pencils and quadrille pads.
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the lines were not so dominant.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when was informed that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don’t need.
- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
The truth is more important than the facts.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like ?
- Jean Cocturan

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
- Michael Landon

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
- Wendell Johnson

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you
will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
- Fran Lebowitz

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
- Albert Einstein

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.  — T.S. Eliot

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.  — Vaclav Havel

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now — when?  — Hillel

Come my friends, ’tis not too late to seek a newer world.  — Tennyson

If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.  — Zen proverb

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.  — Meister Eckhart

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.  — Albert Einstein

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.  — Victor Frankl

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.  — Unknown

The shell must break before the bird can fly.  — Tennyson

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.  — Carl Jung

The years teach much that the days never know.  — Emerson

If you bring forth what is within you, it will heal you. And if you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.  (from the Gospel of St. Thomas)

Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.  — William Shakespeare

The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why.  — Albert Einstein

The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.  — Albert Schweitzer

The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it.  — Quote found on the wall of a recreation center office in Berkeley, California.

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.  — Dave Gardner

We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.  — Talmud

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.   — Helen Keller

This is the true joy in life: the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.  — George Bernard Shaw

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
– W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious.
–Oswald Spengler
In the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught.  -Baba Dioum

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.  -Michael Cibenko

No day in which you learn something is a complete loss.  David Eddings

The softest things in the world overcome the hardest things in the world.  Lao-tzu

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.  Anais Nin

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.  Charles R Swindoll

It’s amazing what God can do with a broken heart when given all the pieces.  -Anonymous

The only way to see a rainbow is to look through the rain.  -unknown

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.  -Plato

Worry looks around; sorrow looks back; faith looks up.

A smile is a light in the window of your face to show your heart is at home.  -unknown

The bridges you cross before you come to them are over rivers that aren’t there.  -Gene Brown

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.  -Confucious
Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.  -Doris Mortman

One today is worth two tomorrows.  -Ben Franklin

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.  -Annie Dillard

Many people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.

Kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.  -Joseph Joubert

When you say a situation or person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.  -Rev. Charles L Allen

The worst prison would be a closed heart.  -Pope John Paul II

When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad that they have to get better.  -Malcolm S Forbes

More important than how we live is how we spend each day.

Only He who made hearts can unite them.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

Love me or hate me but spare me your indifference.  -Libbie Fudim

What you see depends on what you’re looking for.

Remembering is the dream that comes in waves.

Success is the child of audacity. -BenjaminDisraeli

To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first. -WilliamShakespeare

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn’t been asleep. -Wilson Mizner

There is only one success … to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. -ChristopherMorley

Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. -Albert Einstein
We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success. -Henry David Thoreau
Success is the necessary misfortune of life, but it is only to the very unfortunate that it comes early. -Anthony Troloppe
The secret of success is constancy of purpose. –Benjamin Disraeli

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence,and then Success is sure. -Mark Twain

Success has always been a great liar. -FriedrichNietzsche

The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along. -Thomas R. Dewar
The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who formerly snubbed you. -M. W. Little

Even on the most exalted throne in the world we are only sitting on our own bottom. -Michel de Montaigne

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.-William Blake

We grow small trying to be great. -E. Stanley Jones

Hitch your wagon to a star. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him. -Booker T. Washington

There ambition can cover its enterprises, even to the person himself, under the appearance of principle, it is the most incurable and inflexible of passions. -David Hume

The very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. -William Shakespeare

Ambition is not a vice of little people. –Michel de Montaigne

Ambition is the last refuge of failure. –Oscar Wilde

The men who succeed are the efficient few. They are the few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves. -Herbert N.Casson

Some folks can look so busy doing nothin’ that they seem indispensable. -Kin Hubbard

Too low they build who build below the skies. –Edward Young

The tallest trees are most in the power of the winds, and ambitious men of the blasts of fortune. -William Penn

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff. –William Shakespeare

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward. -GeorgeJean Nathan

It is the constant fault and inseparable evil quality of ambition, that it never looks behind it. -Seneca

Ambition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices: so climbing is performed in the same posture with creeping. -JonathanSwift

Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens. -William Lilly
Ambition is so powerful a passion in the human breast, that however high we reach we are never satisfied. -Niccolò Machiavelli
He who surpasses or subdues mankind, must look down on the hate of those below. -Lord Byron
If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest.-Publilius Syrus
Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and madder by enjoyment. -Thomas Otway
It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful land good, and we must hunger after them. -George Eliot
The noblest spirit is most strongly attracted by the love of glory. -Cicero
Ambition is the germ from which all growth of nobleness proceeds. -Thomas Dunn English
There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves. -Arthur P. Stanley
All ambitions are lawful except those which climb upward on the miseries or credulities of mankind. -Joseph Conrad
When you are aspiring to the highest place, it is honourable to reach the second or even the third rank. -Cicero
Nothing is too high for the daring of mortals: westorm heaven itself in our folly. -Horace
A noble man compares and estimates himself by an ideawhich is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one producesaspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires. -HenryWard Beecher
Most people would succeed in small things if they werenot troubled with great ambitions. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Success is not forever, and failure is not fatal. -DonShula
That’s what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it and what we take awayfrom it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, iswinning. -Richard Bach.
Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. -StarWars
Experience is the name that everyone gives to his mistakes. -Oscar Wilde.
I’ll never be considered one of the all-time greats;maybe not even one of the all-time goods. But I’m one of the all-time survivors. -JimKaat.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. –Milton Berle.
Only the mediocre are always at their best. -Giraudoux.

There’s always room at the top. -Webster.

I’m not a good shot, but I shoot often. –TheodoreRoosevelt

Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal. -Cossman.

The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. -Ruskin.

There are three ways a man can be ruined: women,gambling, and farming. My father chose the most boring. -Pope John XXIII

Success is more attitude then aptitude. -Unknown.

The only way to succeed is to make people hate you. That way, they remember you. -von Sternberg.

Man errs as long as he strives. -Goethe.

He who never fell never climbed. -Unknown.

It is not enough to succed. Others must fail. - Gore Vidal

… high salaries equals happiness equals project success. -Richard F. Moore

Give me a firm place to stand, and I will move the earth. -Archimedes

At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out. -Richard H. Brien

Each person has the right to take part in the management of public affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a resume, two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record. -Carlos Eduardo Novaes

First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come; but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed. -Bunyan

How far high failure overleaps the bounds of low success. -Lewis Morris

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure which is: Try to please everybody. -Herbert Bayard Swope

I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. -Henry David Thoreau

If a man is happy in his work exerting himself to the full extent of his capabilities, and enjoying it I’d say he’s a success. -William Romain

If at first you don’t succeed, blame it on the teacher. -Stacey Bass

If at first you don’t succeed, try something else. -Laurance J. Peter

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about things. -W. C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed, you must be doing something wrong. -Charles Merrill Smith

In Fame’s temple there is always a niche to be found for rich dunces, importunate scoundrels or successful butchers of the human race. -Zimmermam

Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified.
-Samuel Johnson

Many people have the ambition to succeed in their work; they may even have special aptitude for their job. And yet they do not move ahead. Why? Perhaps they think that since they can master the job, there is no need to master themselves.
-John Stevenson

Men are so constituted that everybody undertakes what he sees another successful in, whether he has aptitude for it or not. -Goethe

Men will never establish any equality with which they can be contented. Whatever efforts a people may make, they will never succeed in reducing all the conditions of society to a perfect level. -Alexis de Tocqueville

Nature gave man two ends one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. -George R. Kirkpatrick

Nothing succeeds like success. -Alexandre Dumas

Seers and soothsayers read crystal balls to find the future. Less lucky men read junk with more success.-Richard N. Farmer

Stability is more essential to success than brilliance. -Richard Lloyd Jones

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against the contingency plan.
-Charles P. Boyle

Success is not a harbor but a voyage with its own perils to the spirit. The game of life is to come up a winner, to be a success, or to achieve what we set out to do. Yet there is always the danger of failing as a human being. The lesson that most of us on this voyage never learn, but can never quite forget, is that to win is sometimes to lose. -Richard M. Nixon

Success is overrated. Incompetence is what we should revere it marks us off from animals. -Stephen Pile

Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person. -Felix R. Paturi

Success makes us intolerant of failure, and failure makes us intolerant of success.
-William Feather

Success provides more opportunities to say things than the number of things a pundit has worth saying. -Douglas Pike

Support organizations can always prove success by showing service to someone … not necessarily you. -Douglas Evelyn

The amount of success is in inverse proportion to the effort in attaining success.
-Felix R. Paturi

The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing a thing exactly right. -Edward Simmons

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. -Charles P. Boyle

There is nothing more difficult to carry out and more doubtful of success than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies in all who prosper by the old order. -Italo Bombolini

Vacillating people seldom succeed. They seldom win the solid respect of their fellow men. Successful men and women are very careful in reaching decisions and very persistent and determined in action thereafter. -L. G. Elliott

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts not the facts themselves. -Jerome Cohen

When a man blames others for his failures, it’s a good idea to credit others with his successes. -Howard W. Newton

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.
-Jean Giraudoux

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong. -Adolf Hitler

There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way.
-Christopher Morley

If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing. -Napoleon

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure. -J. Danforth Quayle

Given the choice of friendship or success, I’d probably choose success. -Sting

Constant success shows us but one side of the world; adversity brings out the reverse of the picture. -Charles Caleb Colton

Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions. -Henty Wadsworth Longfellow

The men who succeed are the efficient few. They are the few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves. -Herbert N. Casson

How easy to be amiable in the midst of happiness and success. -Anne Sophie Swetchine

The successful people are the ones who can think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at. -Don Marquis

There is no such thing as a self-made man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the makeup of our character and our thoughts, as well as our success. -George Matthew Adams

Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won’t taste good. -Joe Paterno

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one’s business on earth, like the male spider who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
-George Bernard Shaw

As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has the best information. -Benjamin Disreali

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -Groucho Marx

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. -J Paul Getty

Nothing recedes like success. -Walter Winchell

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-Jim Backus

There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success. -Max Beerbohm

To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. -Ernest Hemingway

Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman. -Anon

Success to me is having ten honeydew melons and only eating the top half of each one. -Barbra Streisand

If you become a success, you don’t change everyone else does. -Kirk Douglas

The worst part of having success is to try finding someone who is happy for you.
-Bette Midler

Success is being nothing but a quote. -Andy Partridge

We must believe in luck for how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like? -Jean Cocteau

Success is one unpardonable sin against one’s fellows. -Irving Berlin

Success is a public affair. Failure is a private funeral. -Rosalind Russell

Moderation is a fatal thing nothing succeeds like excess. -Oscar Wilde

Why be a man when you can be a success? -Bertold Brecht

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -Lilly Tomlin

Pubs make you as drunk as they can as soon as they can, and turn nasty when they succeed. -Colin MacInnes

Who begins too much accomplishes little. -German Proverb

A man dies still if he has done nothing, as one who has done much. -Homer

It is not enough to aim, you must hit. -Italian Proverb

Mighty rivers can easily be leaped at their source. -Publilius Syrus

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall. -Vince Lombardi

A man can do only what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day. -Albert Schweitzer

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. -Booker T. Washington

If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero. -David Ellis

The successful person is the individual who forms the habit of doing what the failing person doesn’t like to do. -Donald Riggs

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
-Dwight Morrow

Success is relevant to coping with obstacles… But no problem is ever solved by those, who, when they fail, look for someone to blame instead of something to do.
-Fred Waggoner

Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success. -Henry Ford

It is not the going out of port, but the coming in, that determines the success of a voyage. -Henry Ward Beecher

It is better to fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than to succeed in a cause that will ultimately fail. -Peter Marshall

Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced upon them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. -H. L. Mencken

If at first you don’t succeed you’re running about average. -M.H. Alderson

If we learn for each success, and each failure, and improve ourselves through this process, then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our potential and performed well.
-Dr. Porsche

Success, as I see it, is a result, not a goal. -Gustave Flaubert

Success is that old ABC — ability, breaks and courage. -Charles Luckman

There is a time in the tides of men, Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success. On the other hand, don’t count on it.-T.K. Lawson

There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. -Mark Twain

To establish ourselves in the world, we have to do all we can to appear established. To succeed in the world, we do everything we can to appear successful. -Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

We have seen too much success to have become obsessed with failure. -Lyndon B. Johnson

The successful leader does not talk down to people. He lifts them up. -Richard M. Nixon

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
-Robert Benchley

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
– George S. Patton(1885-1945), American military leader
We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge.
– John Naisbitt
We must open the doors of opportunity. But we must also equip our people to walk through those doors.
– Lyndon B. Johnson
Happiness is not something you experience, it is something you remember.
– Oscar Levant
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
– Marilyn vos Savant

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.
– Raymond Inmon
If we resist our passions, it is more due to their weakness than to our strength.
– La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680), French epigramist
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
– Elbert Hubbard, 1856-1915
What you were yesterday is fixed for always, making its mark on what you are today, what you will be tomorrow.
– from The Horizontal Man by Helen Eustis, mystery novelist
No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
– Booker T. Washington
It’s better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.
– Whitney Young
If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
– Ray Bradbury
iamhere
An act of goodness is of itself an act of happiness. No reward coming after the event can compare with the sweet reward that went with it
– Maurice Maeterlinck, Belgian dramatist
Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
– Saint Francis of Assisi
The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette.
– Henry S. Haskins
Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in a foul oyster.
– William Shakespeare (1564-1616),  As You Like It  1596-1600, act I, sc. IV
If you build it, he will come.
– William P. Kinsella, Shoeless Joe [1982]
(basis for the movie Field of Dreams)
Four be the things I’d been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
– Dorothy Parker, on herself
Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
– John Ruskin
Everything I need to know is revealed to me. Everything I need comes to me. All is well in my life.
– Louise Hay
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
– Edith Warton
A woman is like a tea bag — only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.
– Nancy Reagan

1. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.
2. Get mad, then get over it.
3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.
4. It can be done!
5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it.
6. Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
7. You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.
8. Check small things.
9. Share credit.
10. Remain calm. Be kind.
11. Have a vision.
12. Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
– General Colin Powell’s Rules to Live By

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
– Albert Camus, novelist
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
– George Santayana
Let us not look back in anger, or forward with fear, but around in awareness.
– James Thurber (1894- 1961)
Happy people learn that happiness, like sweat, is a by-product of activity. You can only achieve happiness if you are too busy living your life to notice whether you are happy or not.
– Frank Pittman III, MD, 62, psychiatrist, author of Grow Up!
Do the things that you’ve always dreamed of doing NOW. Don’t postpone them. My dad loved to be in the outdoors, but he was always so busy as a school principal that he didn’t give himself that pleasure very often. He was going to do all his fishing and hiking when he retired, but he never lived that long. He died of cancer at 63. It was pretty wrenching to not only see him suffer so badly but also to realize that he had been cheated out of his dream.
– Fred Matheny, 53, writer, former English teacher
Dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become.
– James Allen
Leap and the net will appear.
– Julia Cameron
We do not believe in immortality because we can’t prove it, but we try to prove it because we cannot help believing it.
– Harriet Martineau
Only a life lived for others is worth living.
– Albert Einstein

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
– In On Running After Ones Hat, All Things Considered by G.K. Chesterton
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
– Martin Luther King Jr.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community… and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
– George Bernard Shaw, Irish Playwright
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.
– George Bernard Shaw,  Mrs. Warren’s Profession,  1893
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
– Helen Keller
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden,
But you will grow if you are sick,
If you are in pain, if you experience losses,
And if you do not put your head in the sand,
But take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.
– Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
– James Baldwin

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our greatest battles are that with our own minds.
– Jameson Frank
Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.
– Henry Van Dyke
The importance of humility. We need the humility to know that truth can be ephemeral, that this can be but one version of the truth.
– Ken Auletta, journalist and author
We attract hearts by the qualities we display; we retain them by the qualities we possess.
– Jean Baptiste Antoine Suard, French journalist (1734-1817)
Every time I stepped on the field, I believed my team was going to walk off the winner, somehow, someway.
– Roger Staubach, NFL Quarterback and Sports Broadcaster
I learned that the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to work hard at it. Whether you’re a musician, a writer, an athlete or a businessman, there is no getting around it. If you do, you’ll win–if you don’t, you won’t.
– Bruce Jenner, Olympic Gold Medalist, Decathlon
One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team.
– Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, NBA Center
I think every person should be able to enjoy life. Try to decide what you most enjoy doing, and then look around to see if there is a job for which you could prepare yourself that would enable you to continue having this sort of joy.
– Linus Pauling, scientist Linus Pauling Institute of Science and Medicine, California
Have confidence in your decisions. Make them expeditiously, and stay with them as long as you believe you are correct no matter what others say. However, when you conclude you were in error, do not hesitate to announce the error publicly and change course.
– Edward J. Koch, former mayor of New York City
The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share. When you come to look back on all that you have done in life, you will get more satisfaction from the pleasure you have brought into other people’s lives than you will from the times that you outdid and defeated them.
– Rabbi Harold Kushner, Massachusetts
Humor is a kind of emotional chaos told about calmly and quietly in retrospect.
– James Thurber (1894-1961), U.S. humorist
Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone.
– Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919)
Humor is not merely the telling of funny stories. It recognizes the vast difference between life as we imagine it and life as we live it, and between the fanciful and imposing impressions we have of ourselves and what we actually are.
– Brooks Atkinson (1894-1984). 4 April, Once Around the Sun, 1951
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
– Rita Rudner
Television has brought back murder into the home — where it belongs.
– Alfred Hitchcock, in Observer 19 Dec. 1965
1. Patients must be dead before the organs are taken.
2. Although patients may be allowed to die under certain circumstances, they must never actively be killed.
3. Patient or family consent must precede organ retrieval.
– University of Pittsburgh’s Center for Medical Ethics’ Guide to Organ Procurement
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
– Art Buchwald, speech, 1987
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
– Dan Quayle, former Vice President of the United State of America
It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
– Dan Quayle, former Vice President of the United State of America
He laughs best who laughs last.
– John Heywood (c.1497-c.1580)
He laughs best whose laugh lasts.
– Laurence J. Peter (1919-1990), 11 January, Peter’s Almanac, 1982
He who laughs, lasts!
– Mary Pettibone Poole, A Glass Eye at a Keyhole, 1938
It’s like deja vu all over again.
– Yogi Berra
If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.
– Yogi Berra
He must have made that before he died.
– Yogi Berra, upon seeing a Steve McQueen movie
That’s All Folks!
The Man of a Thousand Voices
– Mel Blanc’s Epitaph
For seven and a half years I’ve worked alongside President Reagan. We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We’ve had some sex … uh…setbacks.
– George Bush, former President of the United States of America
This is a great day for France!
de– Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle’s funeral
When humor is meant to be taken seriously, it’s no joke.
– Lionel Strachey (1864-1927)
My fellow Americans, I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.
– Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on.
We’re not lost. We’re locationally challenged.
– John M. Ford
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say ‘elevator’, we say ‘lift’ … they say ‘President’, we say ’stupid psychopathic git’
– Alexi Sayle
The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people and don’t come in clearly enough.
– Bill Maher
Bite the wax tadpole.
– Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
– In a Japanese Hotel
Smoking kills, and if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
– Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields
Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips
I couldn’t tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it’s head.
– Yogi Berra
You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
– Yogi Berra
I want to get a tatoo of myself on my entire body, only 2  taller.
– Steven Wright
So when somebody has B.O., the  O  usually stays with the  B . Once the  B  leaves, the  O  goes with it.
Jerry Seinfeld, in  The Smelly Car
As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying,  Relax… you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients,   but another kept reminding me, ‘Howard, you are a veterinarian.’
– Dick Wilson
“Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again.”
-    Franklin P. Jones
Mathematics
It’s generaly false that within 2 points goes a straight line. Excepted, of course, if the 2 points are exactly facing each others.
In numerical analysis, you can have 2+2 = 5, for 2 big enough and 5 small enough.

A mathematician nightmare would be an epsilon going toward infinity when n goes toward zero.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. lim ( sqrt(8) ) = 3
8->9
A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

97.3% of all statistics are made up.

It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. (Niels Bohr)

Before I die, I hope that someone will explain quantum mechanics to me. After I die, I hope that God will explain turbulence to me. (W. Heisenberg)

The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is.

The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a “No Exit” sign.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

The speed of time is one second per second.

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.

If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together !

The average human has one testical and one breast and less that two legs…

Science is Truth; don’t be misled by facts.

Points have no parts or joints. How then can they combine To form a line?

God made the natural integers numbers. The others, were man-made. (Weierstrass)

Math is like love — a simple idea but it can get complicated. Black Holes sucks…

Theoretical Physics is a science locally isomorphic to Mathematics.

A probability is a desperate attempt of chaos to become stable. Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero. At first, God said :
Rot E = -dB/dt
Div D = rho
Div B = 0
Rot H = j + dD/dt
and there was the light. (J.C. Maxwell)

Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not cockroaches.

Absolute zero is *cool*.

What is a quantum particle? The dreams that stuff is made of…

“Here Kitty,Kitty” (Schrodinger)

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. (Albert Einstein)

A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.

Chemists are the *cleanest* people you’ll ever meet… they wash their hands even *before* they go to the restroom!

Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.

A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.

The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible. (Albert Einstein)

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18. (Albert Einstein)

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. (Albert Einstein)

Experimental confirmation of a prediction is merely a measurement. An experiment disproving a prediction is a discovery. (Enrico Fermi)

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.
–Donald Laird

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
–Sir John Lubbock

No one does anything from a single motive.
–Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Motivation is like food for the brain. You cannot get enough in one sitting. It needs continual and regular top up s.
–Peter Davies

The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned. When you hear a lot of talk about it, it’s usually lousy.
–Dwight D. Eisenhower

If you would lift me up you must be on higher ground.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

The mechanics of industry is easy. The real engine is the people : Their motivation and direction.
–Ken Gilbert

You cannot raise a man up by calling him down.
–William Boetcker

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.
–Harriet Braiker

Nobody motivates today’s workers. If it doesn’t come from within, it doesn’t come. Fun helps remove the barriers that allow people to motivate themselves.
–Herman Cain

Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.
–John Wooden

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
–Frank Outlaw

I’ve always felt it was not up to anyone else to make me give my best.
–Akeem Olajuwon

You are what you think. You are what you go for. You are what you do!
–Bob Richards

I never criticize a player until they are first convinced of my unconditional confidence in their abilities.
–John Robinson

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
–Unknown

Why did I want to win? because I didn’t want to lose!
–Max Schmelling

The most important thing about motivation is goal setting. You should always have a goal.
–Francie Larrieu Smith

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.
–Howard Stern

There is nothing that fear and hope does not permit men to do.
–Marquis De Vauvenargues

This time like all times is a very good one if we but know what to do with it
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leadership is doing what is right when no one is watching.
–George Van Valkenburg

Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.
–Frank A. Clark

Quotes by Ernest Hemingway

Never mistake motion for action.
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
What is moral is what you feel good after.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
Grace under pressure. - Definition of “guts”
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
But in modern war you will die like a dog for no good reason.
Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.
Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.
A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools

The road to success is always under construction.
–Unknown

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is for you.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good that we oft may win, By fearing to attempt
–William Shakespeare

The future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become obvious
–Unknown

Listen a hundred times, Ponder a thousand times, Speak once!”
–Unknown

Private victories precede public victories
–S. R. Covey

Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.
–Henry Ward Beecher

Behind every successful man there’s a lot of unsuccessful years.
–Bob Brown

It takes twenty years to become an overnight success.
–Eddie Cantor

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out…
–Robert Collier

Success… it’s what you do with what you’ve got.
–Leroy Van Dyke

Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
–T. S. Eliot

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.”
–Mike Adams

Love is a matter of Chemistry, but sex is a matter of Physics
–Unknown

If it’s green, it’s biology, If it stinks, it’s chemistry, If it has numbers, it’s math, If it doesn’t work, it’s technology.
–Unknown

I had to make some optimistic assumptions to meet the revenue target. In week three, we’re visited by an alien named D’utox Inag who offers to share his advanced technology.
–Dilbert (Scott Adams)

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology.
–Clive James

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
–Albert Einstein

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all his customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all into it in the first place.
–Douglas Adams

The doer alone learneth.
–Friedrich Nietzsche

The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.
–Thomas Arnold Bennett

Experience is an asset of which no worker can be cheated, no matter how selfish or greedy his immediate employer may be.
–Napolean Hill

Lose this day loitering, ‘Twill be the same story Tomorrow — and the next more dilatory.
Then indecision brings its own delays, and days are lost lamenting overdays! Are you ernest? Seize this very minute! What you can do, or dream you can - begin it! Courage has genius, power and magic in it. Only engage, and the mind grows heated. Begin it, and the work will be completed.
–Goethe

Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all cost of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.
–Thomas Arnold Bennett

If a man does only what is required of him, he is a slave. If a man does more than is required of him, he is a free man.
–Chinese Proverb

I won’t take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.
–Carl Sandburg

First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
–Greek Proverb

I lost my job. Actually, I know where it is. Only… when I go back there? They got some -new- guy doin’ it.
–Bob “Bobcat” Goldthwait

To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy.
–Bette Davis

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.”
–Robert Frost

Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.
–Albert Einstein

It is one of the strange ironies of this strange life [that] those who work the hardest, who subject themselves to the strictest discipline, who give up certain pleasurable things in order to achieve a goal, are the happiest people.
–Brutus Hamilton

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throwaway the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.
–Corrie Ten Boom

If email had been around before the telephone was invented, people would have said, “Hey, forget email! With this new telephone invention I can actually talk to people!”
–The Exectuive Speechwriter Newsletter

The good news: Computers allow us to work 100% faster. The bad news: They generate 300% more work. - Unknown

Optimist: “The glass is half full.”
Pessimist: “The glass is half empty.”
Engineer: “That glass is twice as large as it needs to be.”
–Unkown

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
–Rich Cook

Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.
–Howard Aiken, IBM engineer

“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”
–Jane Austen

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
–Albert Camus

“In the end, everything is a gag.”
–Charlie Chaplin

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.”
–Aldous Huxley

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
–George Bernard Shaw

“It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.”
–Helen Keller

“Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves–or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.”
–Ayn Rand

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.
–Erma Bombeck, American Humorist

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.
–Marie Beyon Ray

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
–Martin Luther King, Jr.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.”
–George Washington Carver

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
–Buddha

“There are stars whose radiance is visible on earth though they have long been extinct. There are people whose brilliance continues to light the world though they are no longer among the living. These lights are particularly bright when the night is dark.”
–Hannah Senesh

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.
–John Homer Miller

If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
–Allyson Jones

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.
–John Homer Miller

“There are two types of education… One should teach us how to make a living, And the other how to live.”
–John Adams

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
–Norman MacEwan

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this it the ideal life.
–Mark Twain

Everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room, every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.
–Indian Proverb

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
–Agatha Christie

Life is part positive and part negative. Suppose you went to hear a symphony orchestra and all they played were the little happy high notes. Would you leave soon? Let me hear the rumble of the bass, the crash of the cymbals and the minor keys.
–Jim Rohn

“Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.”
–Scottish Proverb

“Love is life and if you miss love, you miss life.”
–Leo Buscaglia

“Taking joy in life is a woman’s best cosmetic.”
–Rosalind Russell

It ain’t over till it’s over.
–Yogi Berra

‘We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing
–Unknown

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
–Douglas Adams

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
–Groucho Marx

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
–Abraham Lincoln

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical
–Yogi Berra

“I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up
–Barbara Bush

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

This is like deja vu all over again.
–Yogi Berra

Murphy’s Laws (as posted in Arizona Humor)
Murphy’s First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy’s Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy’s Third Law: In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy’s Fourth Law: If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy’s Fifth Law: If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy’s Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy’s Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy’s Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Murphy’s Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy’s Tenth Law: Mother Nature is a “son-of-a-gun.”
Murphy’s Eleventh Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so very ingenious.
Murphy’s Twelfth Law: Things get worse under pressure.

A few additions to Murphy’s Laws …
C01: To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
C02: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
C03: If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
C04: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!

“Somebody has to be in charge”
“We just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are our arms tired.”
“Everything changes, everything stays the same.”
“The first two years of college are vocabulary lessons. The second two years are spent learning who to ask and where to look it up.”
“When you take dancing lessons, you learn steps and you learn steps and you learn steps. It can go on for a long time. And then one day, you just learn to dance, and it is so different.”
“I’m on a mission from George!”
“Nothing is a problem”
“I have a mind like a steel trap. Stuff gets in there and WHAM! it never gets back out again.”
“Rio Salado? Salad River?”
“Wireless home communications is a marketable product which we have the technology to build”
“Why would I lie about a thing like that?”
“No, I am not the Bill Austin of “Beth and Bill”, I am the famous Bill Austin”
“Hey, I’m a Chemist, remember?”
“People Ask Me, “Why is it free?” and I tell them (really slowly) “Because it doesn’t cost anything.”
“There are no problems, only opportunities”
“There are no opportunities, only problems”
“Nothing is decided”
“Something is decided but no one is talking”
“It has been declared a success, it is a success”
“A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says … What is this, a joke?”
“Somebody has to be in charge”
“A picture is not worth 1000 words on the Internet. The information is in the text.”
“At Motorola, punishment for success far exceeds punishment for failure.”

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
–Steven Wright

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
–Abraham Lincoln

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.
–Victor Hugo

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. –Emo Phillips

As punishment for my contempt for authority, Fate has made me an authority myself.
–Albert Einstein

Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.
–Robert A. Heinlein

You’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?
–Dennis Miller, american comedian

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
–Carl Jung

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.
–Mark Twain

Ah, but a man’s grasp should exceed his reach, or what’s a Heaven for?
–Robert Browning

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
–Erin Majors

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.
–Bern Williams

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.
–Thoreau

Hope is the companion of power and the mother of success, For those of us who hope strongest have within us the gift of miracles.
–Sydney Bremer

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
–Robert Vallett

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
–Eleanor Roosevelt

In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
–Deepak Chopra

When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won’t come up with a handful of mud either.
–Leo Burnett

Henry Louis Mencken Quotes

A celebrity is one who is known by many people he is glad he doesn’t know.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
All government, in its essence, is organized exploitation, and in virtually all of its existing forms it is the implacable enemy of every industrious and well-disposed man.
All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them.
All I ask is equal freedom. When it is denied, as it always is, I take it anyhow.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Any man who inflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Demagogue: One who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.
Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
Do not overestimate the decency of the human race.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
For men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.
It is common to assume that human progress affects everyone- that even the dullest man, in these bright days, knows more than any man of, say, the Eighteenth Century, and is far more civilized. This assumption is quite erroneous…The great masses of men, even in this inspired republic, are precisely where the mob was at the dawn of history. They are ignorant, they are dishonest, they are cowardly, they are ignoble. They know little if anything that is worth knowing, and there is not the slightest sign of a natural desire among them to increase their knowledge.
It is only doubt that creates. It is only the minority that counts.
It is the fundamental theory of all the more recent American law…that the average citizen is half-witted, and hence not to be trusted to either his own devices or his own thoughts.
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore.
The idea that the sole aim of punishment is to prevent crime is obviously grounded upon the theory that crime can be prevented, which is almost as dubious as the notion that poverty can be prevented.
The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.
The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humanity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
To wage a war for a purely moral reason is as absurd as to ravish a woman for a purely moral reason.
Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule–and both commonly succeed, and are right.
We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
We suffer most when the White House busts with ideas.

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world!
–William Shakespeare

There is always a good side to every situation. Stay optimistic and try to see an opportunity in your calamities, not pessimistic and see calamities in every opportunity
– Unknown

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.
–Michael Althsuler

I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good that I can do Or any kindness that I can show Any human being, let me do it now, and not defer it. For I shall not pass this way again.
–Stephen Grellet

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
–Steven Wright

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
–Brooke Shields, american actress (in an interview to become an anti-smoking
spokesperson)

China is a big country with a lot of chinese people living there.
–Former French President, Charles De Gaulle

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. –Emo Phillips

As punishment for my contempt for authority, Fate has made me an authority myself.
–Albert Einstein

Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.
–Robert A. Heinlein

You’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?
–Dennis Miller, american comedian

We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
–Jason Kidd, upon being drafted to the Dallas Mavericks

Jack Handy Quotes

can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let’em go, because, man, they’re gone.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank”and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and that’s why so is mankind.
If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it’s probably best to avoid eye contact.
It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like now.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
If you’re a cowboy and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with wooden stakes.
Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.
Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let’s say you have chosen the nickname “Fly Head.”Normally you would think that “Fly Head” would mean a person who has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But think again. Couldn’t it also mean “having a head like a fly”? I’m afraid some people might actually think that.
Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
I think a good product would be “Baby Duck Hat.” It’s a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you’re drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

Our favourite holding period is forever.
–Warren Buffet

Cut your losses and let your profits run.
–Proverb

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.
–General George S. Patton

A market is never saturated with a good product, but it is very quickly saturated with a bad one.
–Henry Ford

The purpose of a business is to create and keep customers.
–Theodore Levitt

Almost all quality improvement comes via simplification of design, manufacturing, layout, processes, and procedures.
–Tom Peters

It’s a poor workman who blames his tools.
–Unknown

Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.
–Peter F. Drucker

Failing organisations are usually over-managed and under-led.
–Warren G. Bennis

There’s No Business Like Show Business.
–Irving Berlin

They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters. These see the works of the Lord, and his wonders in the deep.
–Bible, Psalms 107:23

Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them.
–W. Edwards Deming

Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained, progress stops.
–Thomas J. Watson Jr

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. — Chinese Proverb

“Judge not the horse by his saddle.”
- Chinese Proverb

When walking through a melon patch, don’t adjust your sandals.
- Chinese proverb

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
- Chinese Proverb

Don’t build a new ship out of old wood.

He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.

You must have crossed the river before you may tell the crocodile he has bad breath.

If you neglect your art for one day it will neglect you for two - Chinese saying

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still - Old Chinese Proverb

To guess is cheap. To guess wrong is expensive. - Old Chinese Proverb

“When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” Chinese Proverb

“Live your own life, for you will die your own death.” Latin Proverb

“In case of doubt it is best to lean to the side of mercy.” Legal Maxim

“One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.” French Proverb

“The secret of life is not to do what you like, but to like what you do.” American Proverb

“Be not deceived with the first appearance of things, for show is not substance.” English Proverb

“Beware of the man of one book.” Latin Proverb

“Be not made a beggar by banqueting upon borrowing, when thou hast nothing in thy purse.” (In other words, don’t bite more than you can chew, I think.) Apocrypha Ecclesiasticus

“Despise not a small wound, a poor kinsman, or an humble enemy.” English Proverb

“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart, his next to escape the censures of the world.” English Proverb

“He who keeps nose to grindstone, loses face.” Chinese Proverb

“Call on God, but row away from the rocks.” Indian Proverb

“If you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep.” Yiddish Proverb

“Make not the sauce ’til you have caught the fish.” English Proverb

“If Fate does not adjust itself to you, adjust yourself to Fate.” Persian Proverb

“If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your fault.” Arab Proverb

“Don’t drown the man who taught you to swim.” English Proverb

“Break the legs of an evil custom.” Italian Proverb

“Do not be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie.” English Proverb

“Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.” Arab Proverb

“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.” English Proverb

“If you can’t go over, you must go under.” Jewish Proverb

“When you want to test the depth of a stream, don’t use both feet.” Chinese Proverb

“When the fox preaches, look to the geese.” German Proverb

“Be honorable with yourself if you wish to associate with honorable people.” Welsh Proverb

“Listen, or thy tongue will make thee deaf.” Native American Proverb

“One kind word can warm three winter months.” Japanese Proverb

“He is rich who owes nothing.” Hungarian Proverb

Groucho Marx 1890-1977

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that’ll make your eyes water!

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.

Remember men, we’re fighting for this woman’s honour; which is probably more than she ever did.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Time wounds all heels.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.
Aesop
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.
Aesop
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Aesop, Hercules and the Wagoner
The gods help them that help themselves.
Aesop, Hercules and the Wagoner
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
Aesop, Juno and the Peacock
It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow.
Aesop, The Ant and the Grasshopper
Union gives strength.
Aesop, The Bundle of Sticks
Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
Aesop, The Dog and the Shadow
People often grudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.
Aesop, The Dog in the Manger
The shaft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle’s own plumes. We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.
Aesop, The Eagle and the Arrow
I am sure the grapes are sour.
Aesop, The Fox and the Grapes
Familiarity breed contempt.
Aesop, The Fox and the Lion
Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction.
Aesop, The Frog and the Ox
Thinking to get at once all the gold the goose could give, he killed it and opened