After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment and no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:”My friend you have not worked here for even a single day.” The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
 

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Man:365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager:How many hours make up a day?

Man:24 Hours.

Manager:How long do u work in a day?

Man: 10am to 6pm i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Man:He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e. 1/3 (one third).

Manager:This is nice of u! What is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Man:122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)

Manager:Do u come to work on weekends?

Man:No sir. 

Manager:How many days r there in a year that r weekends?

Man:52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager:Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have? 

Man:18 days.

Manager:I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining? 

Man:4 days.

Manager:Do u work on Republic Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager:Do u come to work on Independence Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man:2 days Sir!

Manager:Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Man:No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man:1 day sir!

Manager:Do u work on Christmas Day?

Man:No Sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man:None Sir!

Manager:So what r u claiming?

Man: !!!…  Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR-HIGHLY RISK.

Please Use headphone to Listen … I am sure u will enjoy it

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -”Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told “Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

To this the sweet manager replied “Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don’t give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything.” Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought “What an Awesome Reply man!”

It starts with MONDAY and ends also on MONDAY…………

No PUBLIC HOLIDAYS on SUNDAYS……………………….

This year has got highest number of SUNDAYS and SATURDAYS……………..

So enjoy the least working year in your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007 - A YEAR WITH A DIFFERENCE………………………..

Peg After Peg… Peg After Peg……!! MUST READ

I never take risk while drinking

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen

I stealthily enter the house

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame

But still no one is aware of it

Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen

Wife is cutting potatoes

No one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on chopra’s daughter’s marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn’t seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking

out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard

But I don’t make any sound while taking out the bottle

I take out the glass from the old rack above sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think chopra’s daughter’s age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old… like an aged horse

I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh…

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard

But the cupboard’s place has automatically changed

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj’s photo & keepit
in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that again, I

will cut your tongue…!

Wife: Don’t just blabber something, go out and sit quietly…

I take out the bottle from the potatoes

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack

Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face…

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack

Stove is also on the rack

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink

But none of the horses are aware of what I did

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

chopra is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take what???

ZZZZZZZ zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzz………