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19. October 2007

What is love and marriage

A student asks a teacher, “What is love?”

 

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat
field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: –
you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick.”
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger
one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to
realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher
told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for better ones, but
when later you realise, you have already missed the person….”

 


“What is marriage then?” the student asked.

 

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn
field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you
can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to
repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he
has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. you look for
one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best
one you get…. this is marriage.”*

12. September 2007

Grow your Roots

One day I decided to quit…. I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality. ….
I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

“God”, I said. “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”

His answer surprised me…

“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”

“Yes”, I replied.

“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care
of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered
the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo”.

He said. “In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo
seed.
But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit.”

He said. “Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the
earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100
Feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots
Made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not
handle.”

He said to me. “Did you know, my child, that all this
Time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots.
I
Would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you. Don’t compare yourself to others.”

He said. “The bamboo had a different purpose than the
Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful.”

“Your time will come, “God said to me.” You will rise high!”

“How high should I rise?” I asked.

“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.

“As high as it can?” I questioned.

“Yes.” He said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can.”

I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on
you……..

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you Happiness.

Bad days give you Experiences.

Both are essential to life.

Keep going…

Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,

Sorrows keep you Human,

Failures keep you Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only God keeps You Going!

28. August 2007

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

  1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
  2. A day without sunshine is, like, night
  3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
  9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
  12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
  13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
  14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  20. I intend to live forever – so far so good.
  21. Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
  22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  23. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  24. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  25. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
  26. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
  27. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  28. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  29. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  30. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  31. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
  32. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  33. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  34. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  35. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
  36. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
  37. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  38. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
  39. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
  40. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  41. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  42. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  43. The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  44. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  45. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
  46. Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
  47. Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
  48. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
  49. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
  50. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
  51. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  52. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

26. August 2007

World’s oldest new dad

The world’s oldest new dad has fathered his 21st child at the age of 90 and he says that he plans to continue breeding for at least another decade.

Nanu Ram Jogi, a farmer in the Indian state of Rajasthan, cannot remember exactly how many children he has produced with his four wives, but estimates that he has twelve sons, nine daughters and at least twenty grandchildren.

Women love me, he boasted as dozens of relatives came to see his 14-day-old daughter, Girija Rajkumari. I want to have more children. I can survive another few decades and want to have children till I am 100. Then maybe it will be time to stop.

Mr Jogi married his first wife, Lalki, in 1942 when he was 25, the world was at war and India was still five years away from gaining independence from Britain. He fathered his eldest daughter, Sita Devi, a year later.

He married his second wife, Punni, when he was 50 and his third marriage, to Rukman, came 20 years later in 1987. He married his current wife, Saburi, in 1997 when he was 80 and India’s economic boom was beginning to get under way.

Saburi, who is 50 and has given him seven children, was previously married to his eldest son, Shiv Lal, who died ten years ago.

At first I didn’t want to stay here after my husband died, she said. It was a bad time and I was going to go back to my family, but Nanu insisted. He promised to look after me and said he would take care of my family, so I stayed and now we have seven children.

So what is Mr Jogi’s secret? I eat all kinds of meat: rabbits, lamb, chicken and wild animals, he said. There is a dense forest around the village. I go hunting most days and eat whatever I catch. Lots of food is my secret to staying healthy. I will survive another few decades to take care of these kids!

The world’s oldest known father was an Australian called Les Colley, who was 92 when his ninth child was born. He died in 1998, just before his 100th birthday.

14. August 2007

Short Stories worth Reading…..

The air hostess, as she passed along the aisle of the plane on the transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to New York, she noticed that the baby, nestled between the couple who were asleep, didn’t look very well , in fact it looked extremely ill. Not wanting to disturb anyone she gently lifted up the baby and took it back to her station. Feeling the baby’s forehead, she found it was cold and with a sudden panic she realized that the infant was dead. Calling upon a doctor she knew to be on board, he examined the baby and confirmed that, not only was it dead, but it was embalmed. The child’s body had been hollowed out and it was full of the drugs that the couple was trying to smuggle into the States.

 


A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a strange sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand. She is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads ‘Humans can lick too,”

 


A woman living in the city {Salt Lake} was visiting some friends in Ogden. When she got into her car in front of this friend’s house, she noticed that a car started up right behind her car. It was about 2:00 in the morning, and there weren’t any other cars on the road. After she had driven to the highway, she began to think that this car was following her. Some of the time he would drive up real close to her car, but he wouldn’t ever pass. She was really scared to death and kept speeding to try to get away from him.

When she got to Salt Lake, she started running stop lights to get away from him, but he would run right through them too. So when she got to her driveway she pulled in really fast, and this guy pulled in right behind her. She just laid on the horn, and her husband came running out. Just then,the guy jumped out of the car, and her husband ran over and said, ‘What the hell’s going’ on here?” So he grabbed the guy, and his wife said, “This man’s followed me all the way from Ogden.”

The man said, ‘I followed your wife because I was going to work, and as I got into my car, I noticed when I turned my lights on, a man’s head bob down in her back seat.” So the husband went over to her back-seat, opened the door, and there was a deranged man sitting on the floor with a knife in his hand.

 


Two roommates remain at their deserted college dormitory over a holiday break. One of the girls goes out on a date that evening, and the other one turns in and goes to bed before her roommate returns. Later that night the sleeping girl is awakened by gurgling and scratching noises coming from outside the hallway door. Frightened, she locks the door and cowers inside the room until morning.

 

When the girl finally opens the door and ventures outside, she discovers the bloody corpse of her roommate in the hallway. The murdered girl’s throat had been slit, and she had bled to death in the hallway while clawing at the door.

 


In Berlin, after World War II, money was short, supplies were tight, and it seemed like everyone was hungry. At that time, people were telling the tale of a young woman who saw a blind man picking his way through a crowd. The two started to talk. The man asked her for a favor: could she deliver the letter to the address on the envelope? Well, it was on her way home, so she agreed. She started out to deliver the message, when she turned around to see if there was anything else the blind man needed. But she spotted him hurrying through the crowd without his smoked glasses or white cane.She went to the police, who raided the address on the envelope, where they found heaps of human flesh for sale. And what was in the envelope?

A note saying ‘This is the last one I am sending you today,”

 


A male flight attendant was stopping over at Japan. He went to a localbar where a Japanese man and woman approached him. They chatted and had a drink. The man gave him an old traditional Japanese drink. The next memory the flight attendant had, was when he woke up in a bath of ice in a hotel room with agonising pains in his stomach. He managed to pull himself out the bath and phone the police. He told them everything he could remember, the policeman described the two people and the man said that’s what they were like. The policeman calmly told him to get back into the bath and sit there till the police and ambulance had arrived. The man’s kidneys had been removed.

 

02. August 2007

How to Find a Strangers name – an Example

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa (in Russia) was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn’t look like a peasant, and if he isn’t a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.

On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I’m the only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow. Ahh ? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and Jews don’t need special permission to go there. But why would he be going to Samvet ? He’s probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two – the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice looking fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he’s their son-in-law.

But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah’s husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I’m not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name.

What’s the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed him to change his name, he must have some special status. What could it be? A doctorate from the University. At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, “How do you do, Dr. Kovacs?”

“Very well, thank you, sir.” answered the startled passenger. But how is it that you know my name ?”

“Oh,” replied the Talmudist, “it was obvious.”

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