An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He
booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his
life. At least for a while.
A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost
instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with
no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to
four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the next four
months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and
fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman
he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: “Where
did you come from, and how did you get here?”
“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she said. “I landed here when
my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” the software engineer said, “I didn’t know anyone else had
survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a
rowboat wash up with you.”
“It’s only me,” she said, “and the rowboat didn’t wash up, nothing did.”
He was confused, “Then how did you get the rowboat?”
“Oh, simple,” replied the woman. “I made it out of raw material that I
found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove
the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a
eucalyptus tree.”
“But, but, that’s impossible, “stuttered the man. “You had no tools or
hardware – how did you manage?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” the woman said. “On the south side of the
island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found
that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable
ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the
hardware. But enough of that… Where do you live?”
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the
whole time.
“Well, let’s row over to my place then,” she said.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the
man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a
stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually, “It’s not much, but I
call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?”
“No, no, thank you,” he said, still dazed. “I couldn’t drink another drop
of coconut juice.”
“It’s not coconut juice,” the woman replied. “I have made a still, How
about a Pina Colada?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted, and
they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, “I’m going to
slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a
shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.
“No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in
the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is absolutely amazing,” he mused. “What next?”
When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit down
next to her. “Tell me,” she began suggestively, Slithering closer to him,
brushing her leg against his, “We’ve both been out here for a very long
time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like
doing right now, something you’ve been longing to do for all of these
months.”
She stared into his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing – this
was like all of his dreams coming true in one day…
“You mean…” he replied, “I can check my e-mail from here?”

*….As narrated by the Girlfriend of a Software Engineer..!!*

Programmer to Team Leader :

“We can’t do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a major
design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy
system.
And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this
application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it,
they can’t. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take
these type of projects.”

Team Leader to Project Manager :

“This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don’t have any
staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is
unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we
take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a
project of this nature.”

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager :

“This project involves a design change in the system and we don’t have
much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are
appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able
to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it.”

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :

“This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who
have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So
they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this
project,but with caution.”

Senior Level Manager to CEO :

“This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in
remodelling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the
necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some
people have already given in house training in this area to other staff
members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by
us under any circumstances.”

CEO to Client :

“This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have
executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust
me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing
this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this
project successfully and well within the given time frame.

Joe the Software Engineer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.”

“What do you mean?” he replied. “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?”

“45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel.

“Wait a minute. If you think I’m 82, then you have the wrong guy. I’m only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.”

“Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but our records say you are 82. Looking at the number of hours you billed to your client, you should be 82…..”

8:30AM: wake up
8:45AM: Tough decision ; To bath or not.
8:50AM: Have To.
9:15AM: Punch in.
9:20AM: Check Mail.
9:25AM: Check Again just in case…
9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea(9:45AM).
9:45AM: TEA party.
10:00AM: Check Mail.
10:05AM: Check again. can’t Believe that no mail has come. Is every body
dead or what ?
10:20AM: Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation turn around to
look for some body (Any body) to talk to.

10:30AM: Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his pathetic,
boring and useless existence.
10:40AM: Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for
the file.(Can’t remember it’s name)
11:00AM: Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.
11:30AM: How the hell ! am I suppose to remember everything. Why should
I be responsible for everything that goes bad.
11:45AM: Try to locate a scapegoat. No body around.
12:00AM: Mood is really bad decide to postpone work till after lunch.
12:30 PM: lunch
1:00PM: Lunch over.
1:10PM: Go for a smoke. Can’t even smoke in this god forsaken place.
1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not paid for the cig.
the other chap is so foolish.
1:50PM: Mood is good. Decide to go to cool web sites. Real sleazy
thoughts.
2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.
2:45PM: Tea Time.
3:00PM: Chat and discuss with colleague on the bad state of the company.
Blame everybody for incompetence and laziness.
4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for help.(Jerk)
4:11PM: Try to look busy.
4:12PM: He is asking for a techn! ical help.(Real jerk).
4:15PM: After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.
4:50PM: No solution found. really angry on the guy for getting myself
involved.
4:55PM: Suddenly boss is spotted in the neighbouring area. Try make as
much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown
in.
5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.
5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD.
5:10PM: Check mail. “Yes” a mail has finally arrived.
5:13PM: It’s a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.
5:14PM: a quick dash for gate.
5:15PM: Third in punching out.
5:25PM: Reached Room.
5:26PM: TV on. No worth while program.
8:30PM: Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and
irresponsible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse
government and RnD.
8:45PM: Food arrives. Pret! ty bad and stinking.
8:48PM: Dinner finished.
8:50PM: Bay watch. At last some quality.
11:30PM: Mtv Grind. Hmm things are looking up.
12:45AM: Today there were really good programs.
1:46AM: Decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.

I remember the incident – I was in a restaurant, and one girl in our

group was especially charming. So I, like any other male, tried to put

on a wooing act. You know the routine, a nanosecond extra eye contact, a

few more nods to whatever she says, and attempts to throw in those

one-liners which you know you wouldn’t if she weren’t there.

And it seemed to be working. She leaned forward when she spoke to me,

and every now and again, we’d have a small conversation of our own,

separate from our group. She laughed at my approach with the fork and

knife, and I teased her about her hair band, which had little teddy

bears. Yes, we were flirting. A while later, she asked me the question -

what did I study? I said engineering, without any particular meaning

attached to it. And then like a cold metal rail, she went stiff.

My jokes weren’t funny any more. Her eyes wandered to everyone else.

What was it?

Why? Why? Why?

Two days later, I still couldn’t get over my great start that had

dissipated listlessly upon mentioning my education. Engineer? What was

wrong with that?

My mom had wanted me to become one since I was five! I had to call her.

‘So what happened to you that day, hot and cold, missie?’ And then she

said, trying to be nice, ‘Well, it’s just that I am skeptical about

engineers as friends. I don’t know, they can be, you know, very logical

and everything…

not very touchy feely’.

Not touchy-feely. Now what the heck did that mean? Well, she obviously

did not mean it literally, since girls don’t really suggest that sort of

stuff, certainly not in the first meeting across the table. I guessed it

was something to do with feelings, sort of having an emotional side. The

stereotype being, the nerdy guy who sees relationships like laws of

physics, to whom love is just a bunch of chemicals going crazy in your

brain, and getting to know a person means obtaining their bio-data.

It’s time to set the record straight.

It’s true that a lot of what engineers study (and they end up studying

quite a lot), has to do with formulaes, laws and numbers. No matter how

hard we try, some of the vocabulary we read all day gets into our

language. So when my mother said, ‘Are you getting married next year or

not?’ I was liable to say, ‘Well, at this moment in time, the

probability is relatively low,’ and felt it was completely normal to say

it. And when my sister went sari shopping and couldn’t explain the shade

she wanted, I told the shopkeeper the percentages of pink, orange and

red in the sari.

Yet, ladies, I don’t think we’re bad at relationships, love and getting

to know people. We too, can be touchy-feely, as that is part of our

education as well. The reason for this is that most engineering students

live in the ultimate educator – boy’s hostels. Now, let me explain how

this plays into this ‘touchy-feely’ thing. Relationships. Imagine

eating, sleeping, brushing your teeth, bathing (ok rarely this one) and

partying with the same people all the time. So, when you are kicking

that bathroom door down for the tenth time, or when you stand in line

for ‘gulab-jamuns’ in the mess, and when you are done with the vodka

bottle and sharing all your secrets, you know it is good practice. Yes,

hostels maketh the man.

So, next time you are in a flirtatious situation with the techno types,

go on, flirt a bit more. Of course, I am biased towards my kind, but if

you find the conversation turning too geeky, just ask them, ‘So, what

were your hostel days like?’ and chances are, you’ll see a heart behind

the calculator. Coming back to my missie, I thought of what would make

me win her over. Flowers… too cheesy. Music… don’t know her taste

(nor trust mine). Teddy bears… don’t even go there. Desperate for some

good lines, I just turned it right back at her. ‘Yes, I know what you

are saying about engineers. The thing is, unless people with depth like

you start hanging out with us, we won’t get any better. Can you meet me

some time for some touchy/feely… oops, I mean coffee/tea?’

She giggled. When they giggle,you have won.

Hence proved.

A Story about Onsite…!

One fine day, Vivek’s PL Bhatia asks him whether he has any time for a small meeting. Vivek obviously has time and so the two go to a conference

room. Bhatia then clears his throat and says “Vivek, there is an on-site requirement. It is in Covina , Los Angeles . It is for six months. I can suggest your name. Do you have any problems?”

Vivek cannot believe his ears. Of course why should any one have problems going to the Sam land. “Of course no Bhatia.. I have no problems.” he says.

Bhatia looks at him very kindly and says “You better draw up your personal plans with your wife and let me know in a day or two” That’s when Vivek remembers that he has a wife. Then it strikes him that there is a himalayan problem in front of him. Shobana is working in Wipro. She is in the middle of a project in which she is a moduleleader. She cannot leave it all and come to Covinawith Vivek. On the otherhand it will be cruel on Vivek’s

part to leave her here and go to Covinafor more than half a year.
Moreover, they have just been married. Vivek can stay back. But one day he has to go..

He cannot stay back in India indefinitely. Project requirements are too demanding. Shobana can resign Wipro and accompany Vivek. But what is the guarantee that

she would find such a nice job in such a nice company after they come back from Covina ? So Shobana and Vivek discuss this issue. They reluctantly agree to get

separated for six months.

Vivek hugs Shobana in the airport and says “I will be BACK” in a typical Arnold Scharzegger tone and then boards Delta Airways leaving Shobana in

tears. In Covina Vivek gets lots of work and his stay gets extended by two more months. The days and months move very slowly. Vivek starts counting even minutes.

During this period, Shobana’s PL Ashish Mehta calls her one day and asks her whether she has any time for a small meeting. Shobana wonders what that meeting is.. They go to the conference room and Mehta tells her about a great on-site requirement in Berlin , Germanyfor their customer.
“It is for six months and you are most suited person for this. I am going to suggest your name. Do you have any problems?” Mehta asks her.
Shobana gets excited.. Berlin ! She has never been out of India . So she instantly nods her head. Mehta then smiles and says “Okay discuss with your hubby and let me know in a day or two”

That’s when Shobana gets the gravity of the situation. It will be two months before Vivek can come home….. By the time Shobana will have left to Berlinfor six months. Shobana cannot decline this as this is an important assignment. That night Vivek spends hundred dollars on telephone to discuss this matter with Shobana. Finally they decide to go ahead. Shobana breaks down in the phone and Vivek breaks down thinking about his phone bill. And then Shobana leaves to Berlin .

One month after that,Vivek comes back to India . Then Shobana calls him almost everyday and they discuss about all petty things on the phone.
Shobana applies for a loan to clear her telephone bills. Vivek gets into a new project which is not yet started. His PL Prateek Ray calls him one day and says that he has to go to ToledoOhiofor the requirement analysis of that project.
Vivek frantically says no. Shobana is arriving next month. He doesn’t want to miss her. But Ray assures him that the work is only for one month and that he would be back before Shobana comes to India . Thus Vivek flies to ToledoOhioand gets into the requirement analysis of the new project.
That’s when he comes to know how difficult it is to retrieve information from the users. You can design a system the user wants only when the user knows what he wants. Vivek gets baffled by the questions his users put..

“Do you think I need those fields “GMG_TYPE_HJHJ_TW” and “Auto_level_ind”?What are they by the way?” The requirements analysis stage continues for three full months at this pace. Shobana comes to India one month after that. And she tells her PL that she doesn’t want anymore on-site assignments. “I understand” says Mehta and she desperately waits for Vivek to come back to India . It has already been two months over a year since they last met. Vivek then gets the role of an on-site co-ordinator for this customer. He calls Shobana that night and they really don’t know what to do. Shobana offers to resign her job and join him in Toledo . But she is getting 21 grand per month in India and Vivek doesn’t want to lose that. “Two more months Shobana and I promise I will be back” Shobana retorts back, “There is no solution for this problem.” Vivek gets surprised. “What are you talking about?” he asks her. Shobana fights back her tears. “As long as I am in Wipro I will be getting a lot of on-site opportunities. Even if I decline all of them, what about you? You also work for a software company and there you need to go abroad almost once every quarter.

I cannot accompany you as you don’t want me to resign my job here. Does that mean we have to stay like this forever? Vivek! I love you and I don’t know how I spent fifteen months without even seeing you once. I may not recognize you also if you come in front of me now… Tell me Vivek, is there a solution for this problem?” Vivek doesn’t speak anything for a moment. He then realizes the truth in her sentences. It is a never ending problem.
But what about the 20 grand she is getting per month?
“Vivek, is money everything? Can’t we comfortably live with what you are getting? Please Vivek, try to understand the situation” Shobana breaks down. Vivek is still undecided. He married a software engineer with a hope that with two incomes he would have a good deal of money to plan their future.”Let us face the reality, Vivek” Shobana says, “How much are you paying for the phone calls now? More than 20 grand per month.

If I am with you there will your phone bill be so astronomical? Just tell me one thing. Won’t you be happy having me there with you?” Shobana slowly turns hysterical. Vivek gets into the crux of the situation. It is true.
He
has been spending around 600 to 700 dollars per month on India calls…
that is far more than what Shobana is getting then. He thinks and thinks..
for two days he does nothing else but thinking. Finally he decides that he should have Shobana with him all the time from then onwards at any cost.
Shobana gladly prepares the resignation letter and submits it. Her PL smiles and says “You’ve made the right decision Shobana..
Congratulations
for the bold step. I understand your problems. Anyway! you have a three months notice period here, right? We have a one month assignment in Singapore …”

MORAL : No software pro shud marry another sw pro…. unless one of them is ready to resign.

HEY! all, who have plans to get tie-up think of this once. Its really worthfull .