10. February 2008

Why men don’t write advice columns

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off
for work leaving my husband in the house watching the
TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the
road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered
to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s
help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He
was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady . I am 32, my
husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve
years. When I confronted him, he broke down and
admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past
six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says
he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave
him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs… Lisa

Dear Lisa:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can
be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of
these approaches solves the problem, it could be that
the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery
pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter

09. February 2008

Flowers for Valentine’s Day ( Naughty ) ;-)

Naughtly Valentine's Day Flowers
Naughtly Valentine's Day Flowers
Naughtly Valentine's Day Flowers
Naughtly Valentine's Day Flowers
Naughtly Valentine's Day Flowers


Read Full Post …

27. January 2008

BathTub Test

The Bathtub Test *

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director “How

do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a

teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to

empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the

bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

10. January 2008

STUPIDEST THINGS EVER SAID !!

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” –Popular
Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” –Thomas
Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the
best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t
last out the year.” –The editor in charge of business books for Prentice
Hall, 1957

“But what … is it good for?” –Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems
Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” –Ken
Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a
means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”
–Western Union internal memo, 1876.

“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay
for a message sent to nobody in particular?” –David Sarnoff’s associates
in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” –A Yale University management
professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” –H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,
1927.

“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary
Cooper.” –Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
“Gone With The Wind.”

“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.”
–Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” –Decca
Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.” –Lord Kelvin,
president, Royal Society, 1895.

“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.” –Spencer
Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M “Post-It”
Notepads.

“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even
built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or
we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come
work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and
they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’”
–Apple Computer Inc. founder, Steve Jobs, on attempts to get Atari and H-P
interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.

“Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction
and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react.
He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.”
–1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket
work.

“You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of
your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to
accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of
weight training.” –Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the “unsolvable”
problem by inventing Nautilus.

“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re
crazy.” –Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
drill for oil in 1859.

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” –Irving
Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.” –Marechal
Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” –Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction”. –Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.

“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon”. –Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” — Bill Gates, 1981

17. October 2007

Oracle’s Real-Life Q & A


Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. ‘Parent keys not found!’

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. ‘Duplicate value on index!’

Q. What if the golf ball doesn’t get into the hole at all?
A. ‘Value larger than specified precision!’

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else’s girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. ‘Insufficient privileges on the specified object!’

Q. What if you don’t get any response from the girl next door?
A. ‘No data found!’ or ‘ Query caused no rows retrieved !’

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. ‘SELECT INTO returns too many rows!’

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. ‘Invalid number’ or ‘ Object doesn’t exist!’

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. ‘Object is found mutating!’

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. ‘Discrete transaction failed!’

Q. What if you see ‘theatre full’ when you go to a movie?
A. ‘Maximum number of users exceeded!’

Q. What if you don’t get table in the lunch room?
A. ‘System out of tablespace!’

03. October 2007

Men As Explained By Women…..

Men explained by wonmen

Men explained by wonmen

Men explained by wonmen

Men explained by wonmen

Men explained by wonmen

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