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06. May 2009

Never Mess with your WIFE!

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl !!!” The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.” “And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that” she said “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!”

08. April 2009

Bastard !!!

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so
what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ……Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl’s top )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl’s clothes )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD..
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

23. March 2009

POEMS FOUND IN TOILETS


THE ‘FUTURE’ IS IN YOUR HAND, HOLD IT GENTLY’

Excellent poems by not so famous poets… Found on toilet doors and walls…

A budding poet trying his best… 
Here I lie in stinky vapour,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this…
Here I sit
Broken hearted.
Tried to shit
But, only farted.

Someone who had a different experience wrote:
You’re lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it’s true that people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose… 
Some come here to sit and think.
Some come here to shit and stink.
But, I come
Here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls….

Toilet’s walls also double as job advertisement space… (written high upon the wall) 
If you can piss above this line,
The Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door: 
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson… Sign seen at a restaurant: 
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food…please aim properly.

10. February 2009

Full Form of OBAMA – Lol

OBAMA

O- Originally
B – Born in
A – Africa to
M – Manage
A – America

08. February 2009

Layoff and how it happens !!

Once upon a time the government with Ruling Party XYZ.. had a vast scrap
yard in the middle of a desert.
Ruling Party XYZ Said.. – “Someone may steal from it at night.”

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..

– “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to
write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Ruling
Party XYZ Said..,

– “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to
do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said.. ,

– “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll
officer, then hired two people. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal
Secretary. Then Ruling Party XYZ Said..,

– “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000
over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they laid off the night watchman.

06. February 2009

A funny proposal letter by a South Indian

Madam:                                                                     

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Thiruvananthapuram. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press   myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside Kerala. I am nice and big, six foot tall and  six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working  hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a  good  batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.                                                                       

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am a jolly  gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always  giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.   That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym..  I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for  you.                                                                       

I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.

What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why  I  am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my   things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I   will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb  belles in the gym. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you  and  press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation. 

Expecting soon,                                                            

Yours and only yours Kutty

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