Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY: 
We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.
 
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: 
We have no time to train you -
 
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: 
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress
up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear
ear-rings.
 
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: 
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first
day.
 
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: 
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
 
DUTIES WILL VARY: 
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
 
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: 
We have no quality control.
 
CAREER-MINDED: 
Female Applicants must be childless
(and remain that way).
 
APPLY IN PERSON: 
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be
told the position has been filled.
 
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: 
We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is
just a legal formality.
 
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
 
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: 
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
 
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: 
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager,
without the pay or respect.
 
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: 
Management communicates, you, figure out what they
want and do.
 
I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE
ORGANIZATION: 
I’ve used Microsoft Office.
 
I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
 
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: 
I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs
I’ve had.
 
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: 
I blame others for my mistakes.
 
I’M PERSONABLE: 
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co- workers.
 
I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: 
I carry a Day-Timer.
 
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I’ve changed jobs a lot.
 
I AM ON THE GO: 
I’m never at my desk.