29. March 2007

Software Engineers Movie

Hero is a software engineer. He does not have a life worth speaking of.

He spends eighteen hours a day in the office working and browsing the


Heroine is a software engineer in the same company. She does not have a

life either. She spends eight hours in front of her PC, thirteen hours

in front of the TV and the remaining, sleeping.

One day, Hero meets Heroine in a staff meeting. They argue endlessly

about the insanity of Microsoft applications.. especially Outlook 2003.

Couple of such fights later, Heroine is found drinking coffee with Hero

in Office canteen.

“What is life?” asks the Hero looking at the vacuum right above her


“I’ve been wondering too.” sighs the heroine.

“Why are we fighting over Outlook 2003?” Hero drinks his black coffee.

“And why are we not talking about Lotus NOtes” Heroine sips her Latte.

Hero shakes his head. “It’s not about software products. It is about

life. I guess life is much bigger than OUtlook 2003.”

Heroine nods. “I think it is. I am not sure though. Do you know that

Microsoft has come up with a fix to that bug you’ve been using to prove

Outlook is a worthless piece of garbage?”

“Heroine,” Hero is now determined, “From this moment onwards, I am not

discussing anything remotely related to software.”

“Fine Hero,” says Heroine, “Good bye then.”

Hero then returns all the Sybase manuals to the library and rents out

“how to live a life?”

Heroine meanwhile gets into an altercation with the villain during a

conversation on Sharepoint server. Villain vows to format the hard disk

of the heroine. Heroine takes her PC and runs away from the cubicle

trying to escape from the villain’s evil intentions. Since it is night

shift, no one comes to her rescue.

Hero, who has been reading “how to live a life” very seriously, suddenly

finds out that he loves the heroine as much as he used to love Tetris.

So hero messages Heroine on Yahoo Instant messenger. But there is no

reply. Hero does not understand it. He knows that the heroine is

supposed to be in night shift. What is she doing in Night shift if not

on Yahoo Instant Messenger? As far as he know that is what people are

supposed to do in night shift.

Hero senses trouble. He runs barefooted on the Information Superhighway

and reaches office just in time to see the villain snatch the PC out of

heroine’s hands and type the command “Format C:\”. When his fingers get

to the “Enter” key, hero delivers the killer punch on villain’s face.

Villain is thrown back. But in the process he manages to press the Enter


The world comes to a standstill. The sky roars. The Rain pours.

Heroine breaks down. Villain is on cloud nine. But our Hero isn’t sad.

He is smiling. Villain cannot understand. Hero then says, “Villain, You

should learn DOS properly. Your grave mistake…”. He shows the monitor

to Villain. The DOS command prompt says “Are you sure?”. It is waiting

for a “Y” to commence the formatting operation. Hero then simply presses


Villain cries in frustration “Nooooooo” and charges like a bull. Then

follows a lengthy fight. Heroine meanwhile calls the police and they

come right after hero beats the villain to pulp. Without asking any

questions, the police understand who is hero and who is villain and take

him into custody. Heroine, tears in her eyes, takes her PC, switches it

on and jumps with joy when she finds her favorite Calvin and Hobbs

collection in tact in her C drive.

“You saved my data” she exclaims.

“No, you saved it yourself.” hero says.

“No.. Jesus saves. I don’t” she cries.

“Nothing happened na.” Hero consoles.

“Let us get married” heroine sheds some more tears, “I want someone by

my side to protect the Calvin and Hobbscollection on my PC”.

“I love you Heroine” says the hero.

“I love you Hero” says the heroine.

“So you agree that Outlook 2003 is a bad product”.

“No I don’t. Why not we talk about Lotus nOtes?”

The End.

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