A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the
average Kolkatan goes and spends a day hard at work.
And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will
arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea
break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break
for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2,
break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go
home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision (err…Vision). For some reason many Bengalis don't
have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are
wearing spectacles all the time (too many plays, shongeet
programs to attend)

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word
for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the
night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na
ghumole Chappell eshe dhore niye jaabe.'(remember 'so jao nahi
to Gabbar aa jayega'….thanks Sippy sahab)

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with
Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has
to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish
everywhere and trying to get creative they are also
called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo,
Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali
exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie
Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali,
especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every
year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh (we call it Maachh actually). These are creatures that swim in
rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the
Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such
strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali comes to know whether a
fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what
feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good
name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like
Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girl
will have pet names like Tia,Tua, Tumpa,Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku
et cetera.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a
rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and
you have the successors to The Bheatles! (2 lac impersonators of
The Bheatles and Elvis da in North Kolkataonly)

I is for lleesh (Hilsa you call it). This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones
which would kill any ordinary person, but which the
Bengalis eat with releeesh when cooked with Mustard paste!

J is for Jhola. No self-respecting Bengali is complete
without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where
he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing
number of things in. Even as you read this there are
two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they
all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in
Maachher Jhol (Fish Curry) is a close second.

K is for Kee Kaando!. It used to be the favourite
Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of
Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire
Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in
Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it
not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the
local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition
to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose
antics would effortlessly frighten the living
daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as
Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nyangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked.
It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of
mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the
nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on
the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite
phassion of the Kolkatan. Every Bengali is born an
expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are
Mohunbagan and East Bengaland when they play the city
comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the
Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could
think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they
never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath
Tagore got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all
Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their
acceptance speeches as if they were directly related
to the great poet and walk with their head held high.
This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down
at Delhiand Mumbai and of course 'all
non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close
second ! and a closer third is 'Robindro Shongeet' (songs written
by Tagore)…every child born first sings a verse of robindro
shongeet before asking for mother's milk.

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a
genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that
he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old.
Of course they will see to it that he stays in good
form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' and 'maanot'.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still
trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's
faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is
handed one.(a statement for 'upwaardly mobile bengalis')
A close second is Uttam Kumar…..the Rock Hudson of
Goriahaat….

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most
non-violent violent people around. When an accident
happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and
scream and curse and abuse, “Chherey De Bolchhi” (lemme go n
watch a bash!!) but the last time someone actually hit someone was in
1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city
remians under water and every year for the last 200 years
the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park
Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that
they must eat cake that day,abandoning their rawshogollas and
shawndesh for a day…..

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than
today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone