Thought 1 #

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers. When we

are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die,

our widows get the life insurance.

What do women want to be liberated from?

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Thought 2

The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask

him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

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Thought 3 #

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you

take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The

man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was

astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again

the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will

run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as

a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. “Who are you?” I am your guardian angel,” the voice

answered. “Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got

married?”

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This is the best!!! Thought 4 #

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her

father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached

the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed

some thing in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the

bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on

him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced “Ladies and

Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.”

Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, “My

daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.” The whole

audience including priest started laughing……….but not the poor groom!