1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…
(Inside card) - I’ve changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) - That you’re not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…
(Inside card) - Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
(Inside card) - I’d miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
(Inside card) - So we’re having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can’t help but wonder…..
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I’m so miserable without you…
(Inside card) - It’s almost like you’re still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life…..
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this….
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray…..
(Inside card) - You’re divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened…
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married…
(Inside card) - It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time…
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?